Self Care

Last year I had an ongoing dialog with a biochemist from Mansfield University. I was trying to get a better understanding of the internal mixing of mercury with toluene and/or methamphetamine (I wanted to better understand--would this change the properties of mercury to allow it access beyond the blood/brain barrier?...and cause the Morgellons symptoms?). While he was initially interested, he distanced himself when I proposed Morgellons symptoms are likely "the tip of the iceberg". He did make one statement which has stuck with me; "With toxicity it is all about amounts," he stated.

In my recent extended stay in Africa, I believe my internal environment was effected. I'd had two heart racing episodes in the last two weeks (which could be caused by an increase in mercury levels); one of these was midway over the Atlantic (I had some Xanex with me to slow my heart down). While these symptoms were terrifying to me, it seems some would question whether I even had any.

Here's a point anyone who has dealt with Morgellons symptoms can related to. Imagine going to your family doctor and saying, "I have a stomach ache". The doctor is likely to tell you to take some antacids. If you go to the same doctor and say, "It feels like bugs are crawling under my skin", it is more likely than not they will say you are delusional. Why is it people, whether medical professionals or not, feel justified in questioning others when they state symptoms they are experiencing?

My sister-in-law, who is a respected biologist, professor, and general kind person, talked with me about Morgellons when I was in the thick of symptoms. I remember her saying, "I watched a special on it. They concluded 'It's all in your head'." She meant to be helpful and objective.

I told her, "Yes, it is in my head...and my arms, legs, intestinal track. In fact, it is all over my body." How can you be angry with anyone when the majority of the medical community still sees these symptoms as fiction?

Sufferers rely on other sufferers, those who have recovered and/or a handful of medical researchers to find a path to wellness (by the way, could somebody please call the CDC and wake them up!). I've said it before and will say it again- the person who can greatest help you recover is right in the mirror. We have got to take care of ourselves!

Taking care of myself at this moment means getting feedback from a doctor (I am waiting for test results and may do follow up testing), keeping stress low, and finding a setting with clean air and water (related to this I just read some discouraging news for North Central Pennsylvania (see http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/us/27gas.html?_r=1&hpw)). I'm not certain where this will take me. I've taken the "breathing time" over the last week to build my online presence as a writer (thank you Liz!! please take a look at: jwkeleher.com or cliffhuggins.com). Remember every moment of every day--take care of yourself!